I've been in a bit of a funk this week which is to be expected I guess after 9 months of intense activity , the last 3 being extremely intense, barely lifting my head for air, looking at my children or saying hello to my DH. Obviously I did do those things & much more, just in rather a blur. I naively thought that being in one place for 2 weeks ( well, plus travelling to & from) would be a little holiday but it was even more pleasurably intense than before! (ok, I've used that word 3 times now - enough!) So I've gone rather quiet, nobody recognises me! I'm quiet because I've been struggling with that most detested phrase "I can't be bothered" . I hear it all the time at work, it's all around me, being surrounded as I am by people from all walks of life, all ages, friendly & unfriendly, visitor or local, & heavens, that's only part time!
I've had to turn, over many years, from being a pretty negative type of person, frustrated & inarticulate really, to a more positive, tolerant sort. A less frustrated & more gobby, opinionated type! I've learnt to eventually see the 'other' side of the story & to stop throwing around my poor half empty cup & to enjoy a calmer sip from the half full one, provided by my DH. But just sometimes these positive people really get my goat, you get to thinking "these people haven't really lived, haven't gone thru what I'm going thru" etc, etc & just want to tell 'em to shut up! Then I think, well, is that how I appear to people, once I've 'put my face on' trying to be positive, always upbeat, seeing the best in everything & stopping just short of having your martyred hand permanently stuck to your forehead? This is why I hate the phrase 'I can't be bothered' or 'I can't be arsed' along with the greeting between two mates & not just the 'youth' "Hi what ya doing, nothing?" "yeah, nothing, you, nothing?" "Yeah, nothing" Where the heck do you go from there? I feel it may drag me in to deep negativity, I fear the downward spiral to the what is the point question we must all avoid in order to just carry on at survival level. Some are lucky enough not to ever ask themselves that question, of course, the answer may be far too frightening to contemplate. So while being down here I'll be working it thru, thinking of all those wonderful things that make up my life, I'll be looking for that open kind smile & stepping back from the fearful soul's despair, just while I'm in repair, mind, because then I must look for that soul that I could possibly give something back to, as I know which side of the story I want & I will find it.
Well, after all that did you think I'd leave you without a collage?!
original honesty sample
I've had to turn, over many years, from being a pretty negative type of person, frustrated & inarticulate really, to a more positive, tolerant sort. A less frustrated & more gobby, opinionated type! I've learnt to eventually see the 'other' side of the story & to stop throwing around my poor half empty cup & to enjoy a calmer sip from the half full one, provided by my DH. But just sometimes these positive people really get my goat, you get to thinking "these people haven't really lived, haven't gone thru what I'm going thru" etc, etc & just want to tell 'em to shut up! Then I think, well, is that how I appear to people, once I've 'put my face on' trying to be positive, always upbeat, seeing the best in everything & stopping just short of having your martyred hand permanently stuck to your forehead? This is why I hate the phrase 'I can't be bothered' or 'I can't be arsed' along with the greeting between two mates & not just the 'youth' "Hi what ya doing, nothing?" "yeah, nothing, you, nothing?" "Yeah, nothing" Where the heck do you go from there? I feel it may drag me in to deep negativity, I fear the downward spiral to the what is the point question we must all avoid in order to just carry on at survival level. Some are lucky enough not to ever ask themselves that question, of course, the answer may be far too frightening to contemplate. So while being down here I'll be working it thru, thinking of all those wonderful things that make up my life, I'll be looking for that open kind smile & stepping back from the fearful soul's despair, just while I'm in repair, mind, because then I must look for that soul that I could possibly give something back to, as I know which side of the story I want & I will find it.
Well, after all that did you think I'd leave you without a collage?!
Ever so slightly blue this is this, I mean last weeks collage from the sample i made earlier this year, about a ruler by a half ruler. Visitors to the exhibition loved my samples book & this is the collage i said I'd be making next so i thought I'd better. Always worried about scaling up but i think it works. Used rusted fabric instead of the paper in the sample, blue potato sacking, honesty seedheads & seeds, of course, the mixed paper with wash background & an exotic chicken feather from my collection & lots of gold machine stitching.
Thanks for listening ;)
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18 comments:
I totally sympathize, I felt totally at a loss after the open studio event, and still haven't totally got my impetus back. And it wasn't nearly as big a deal as your show. But sometimes just going through the motions is enough to give me some inspiration. However after all your hard work you are entitled to a break to recharge your batteries, and perhaps just moodle about, sketching or snapping and regathering in the positive.
Lovely collages - I hope you get your impetus back soon :)
Perhaps, Emma, you've drained your well of energy and inspiration, and now you may need to fill that empty well with things that excite you. I find that's what happens to me when I've done too much, so then I take myself out on a day to do something I enjoy-- visit a museum, go window shopping, just commune with nature, and from the peace and quiet, the watching and absorbing, comes a wee bit of enthusiasm. But maybe that's just me.
Anyway, love your collage! Hugs
(This is my second attempt at a comment, thanks to Blogger...)
I think because you've been so busy and given your "all" recently, it's inevitable that when you stop, there will be a period of blues. Anyone who creates and puts a part of their soul into everything they do would go through this, I'm sure - it's a bit like a bereavement. Just remember - "this too will pass". I'm sure all will be fine, it will just take a little time for the dust to settle! Meanwhile, love the collage - not bad for a blue day!
It's like post partum depression! Love those collages!
Possibly these positive people are putting on a happy face in order to come to believe it themselves. Maybe inside they are feeling negative but don't want to show that face to the world. Who wants to listen to a load of negativity after all? I think we must fight the negativity tooth and nail in order to survive in this modern world, where there is so much to despair of. Please don't be afraid to let your creativity take a break. You do need to refill the well, as Suztats said. You spent months giving it your all and you deserve a break. Enjoy doing some of the other things you like to do and look around you at the beauty of nature. Yes, you already know which side of the story you desire to be on. Trust your instincts.
Hello Emma,
Thank you for your honesty! As creative people it is hard to say, "Stop the world I want to get off!" people around us can sometimes not understand and we need the break to do the 'nothing' for a change. A duvet day or a feel sorry for me day is good once in a while we need to repair. You have given your energy out for months, take a day or so to mull about while doing the just enough. Collage is a great way to play and be creative so you haven't really stopped just taken a slower route.
You are doing great with your sharing of your work and thoughts inspire so many of us. Thank you.
best wishes and good luck for your new phase.
Jane C
It's not surprising that you've had a bit of a coming down after all the effort you have put into your work and your exhibition. The collages are lovely and you need to give yourself some time to get your mojo working again. Take one step at a time, and above all be kind to yourself!
Penny
Don't worry Emma, we all felt like that too after our exhibition, it's such a let down when it's all over, just start planning for the next one that might help.
It's like a sugar crash. :0) I enjoyed this honest post. And your show sounds amazing- you'll be back in the swing of things soon. All the best.
Love the honesty. Both your thoughts and the collages : )
I think you need a something new to try. Going to email you a technique to play around with : )
It's just a pause dear Emaa, a time to fill the well up again. And plain exhaustion I am sure. Love the blues and golds of this work. Transitions and transformations my friend. xox Corrine
Yes, I know the "after the show" feeling. It passes and new inspiration and energy show up again. My family and garden were, shall I say, somewhat relieved when I could focus on them again. :)
Perhaps just spend time in your lovely landscape for a while. There is such a feast of creative things to try, that on some days its all overwhelming. I think most of us get times such as you describe; when its hard to find any point to it all. It will pass I'm sure.
Hi just wanted to say love your designs Beautiful! and love your blog its fab!
It is not really surprising that you feel like you do after such an intense period. You need time to gather up your strength after such an exhausting time and with that will come the motivation to move forwards again. Such a lovely honesty collage.
I think every creative person goes through this gloom from time to time. (Mine was well publicised last year!) but don't push yourself. I just let my creative flow come back slowly with some almost automatic hand stitching with no particular outcome in mind.
On a brighter not, I see you had your show in Plockton. I adore Plockton having stayed in a gorgeous cottage almost at the end of the road where the hall is on the corner. The back garden goes down to the inlet of the loch,I would love to go again.
Seems like a lot of people can empathise with you Emma...its always good to know we're not on our own. You will be fine; living where you do you can't be anything else :-)
Hugs
Linda xx
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