I've been in a bit of a funk this week which is to be expected I guess after 9 months of intense activity , the last 3 being extremely intense, barely lifting my head for air, looking at my children or saying hello to my DH. Obviously I did do those things & much more, just in rather a blur. I naively thought that being in one place for 2 weeks ( well, plus travelling to & from) would be a little holiday but it was even more pleasurably intense than before! (ok, I've used that word 3 times now - enough!) So I've gone rather quiet, nobody recognises me! I'm quiet because I've been struggling with that most detested phrase "I can't be bothered" . I hear it all the time at work, it's all around me, being surrounded as I am by people from all walks of life, all ages, friendly & unfriendly, visitor or local, & heavens, that's only part time!
I've had to turn, over many years, from being a pretty negative type of person, frustrated & inarticulate really, to a more positive, tolerant sort. A less frustrated & more gobby, opinionated type! I've learnt to eventually see the 'other' side of the story & to stop throwing around my poor half empty cup & to enjoy a calmer sip from the half full one, provided by my DH. But just sometimes these positive people really get my goat, you get to thinking "these people haven't really lived, haven't gone thru what I'm going thru" etc, etc & just want to tell 'em to shut up! Then I think, well, is that how I appear to people, once I've 'put my face on' trying to be positive, always upbeat, seeing the best in everything & stopping just short of having your martyred hand permanently stuck to your forehead? This is why I hate the phrase 'I can't be bothered' or 'I can't be arsed' along with the greeting between two mates & not just the 'youth' "Hi what ya doing, nothing?" "yeah, nothing, you, nothing?" "Yeah, nothing" Where the heck do you go from there? I feel it may drag me in to deep negativity, I fear the downward spiral to the what is the point question we must all avoid in order to just carry on at survival level. Some are lucky enough not to ever ask themselves that question, of course, the answer may be far too frightening to contemplate. So while being down here I'll be working it thru, thinking of all those wonderful things that make up my life, I'll be looking for that open kind smile & stepping back from the fearful soul's despair, just while I'm in repair, mind, because then I must look for that soul that I could possibly give something back to, as I know which side of the story I want & I will find it.
Well, after all that did you think I'd leave you without a collage?!
original honesty sample
I've had to turn, over many years, from being a pretty negative type of person, frustrated & inarticulate really, to a more positive, tolerant sort. A less frustrated & more gobby, opinionated type! I've learnt to eventually see the 'other' side of the story & to stop throwing around my poor half empty cup & to enjoy a calmer sip from the half full one, provided by my DH. But just sometimes these positive people really get my goat, you get to thinking "these people haven't really lived, haven't gone thru what I'm going thru" etc, etc & just want to tell 'em to shut up! Then I think, well, is that how I appear to people, once I've 'put my face on' trying to be positive, always upbeat, seeing the best in everything & stopping just short of having your martyred hand permanently stuck to your forehead? This is why I hate the phrase 'I can't be bothered' or 'I can't be arsed' along with the greeting between two mates & not just the 'youth' "Hi what ya doing, nothing?" "yeah, nothing, you, nothing?" "Yeah, nothing" Where the heck do you go from there? I feel it may drag me in to deep negativity, I fear the downward spiral to the what is the point question we must all avoid in order to just carry on at survival level. Some are lucky enough not to ever ask themselves that question, of course, the answer may be far too frightening to contemplate. So while being down here I'll be working it thru, thinking of all those wonderful things that make up my life, I'll be looking for that open kind smile & stepping back from the fearful soul's despair, just while I'm in repair, mind, because then I must look for that soul that I could possibly give something back to, as I know which side of the story I want & I will find it.
Well, after all that did you think I'd leave you without a collage?!
Ever so slightly blue this is this, I mean last weeks collage from the sample i made earlier this year, about a ruler by a half ruler. Visitors to the exhibition loved my samples book & this is the collage i said I'd be making next so i thought I'd better. Always worried about scaling up but i think it works. Used rusted fabric instead of the paper in the sample, blue potato sacking, honesty seedheads & seeds, of course, the mixed paper with wash background & an exotic chicken feather from my collection & lots of gold machine stitching.
Thanks for listening ;)
.jpg)
